Why BDSM Ethics are NOT optional
Whether you're an Online Domme or offer real-time sessions; there is something ALL Dommes have in common - Kink & BDSM Ethics.
As I have repeatedly said before; when you are taking control of a submissive; you are personally responsible for their safety and well-being. You are also completely accountable when things go wrong, especially if it is as a result of your own ignorance or lack of moral integrity.
The most important part of being a Domme is understanding that in BDSM, there absolutely MUST be mutual consent. When engaging in power exchange activities, the line between abuse and play is a very fine one, and it is YOUR job to ensure you stay on the right side of it. For those who are new into the scene, you may find your judgement clouded on this subject, which is why it is important to ensure you have received expressed consent rather than implied consent - and that you abide by it in all BDSM situations
While the use of safe-words is indeed a good idea; it is not enough to use the word "no", as a safe-word. A good safe-word is one which both parties feel comfortable in using, but is not related to a play session. For example; "whip" is not a good example of a safe-word. "Giraffe" is better.
I personally use the traffic light system. Green for yes, keep going, Amber for go gently and slowly and red for stop! And once red comes up - the play stops - instantly. And in the case where the play stops; aftercare and other support is delivered for the well-being of the sub.
But what other things should a Domme ensure She employs in BDSM play?
PROPER KNOWLEDGE.
It is vitally important that you are aware of the risks of any BDSM activity. For example; ensuring that electrics do not go anywhere near the heart, the correct place to use the cane - get it wrong and cane across the back and you risk ruptured kidneys.
You should also understand that some activities have more risks that others. Use of poppers on somebody with heart, lung or circulatory problems can cause a serious risk to their health or even death. Sounding, if not done correctly, can risk a torn urethra and I don't think I need to spell out the dangers of incorrect use of breathe play.
It is always a good idea to try out kinks on yourself before applying them to a sub - so both you and he know what to expect.
ENSURE A SAFE PLAY ENVIRONMENT.
Your play space should be free of any hazards such as open flames, fumes or insecure equipment. It is also essential that you are aware of your sub's physical and emotional limitations - don't engage in play which is likely to trigger a severely negative emotional response. You're not just responsible for their physical well-being. You're also responsible for their mental well-being. Take care of the latter, especially in your after-care and throughout their servitude.
RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.
Rule number one in being a successful Domme. If they want to keep their vanilla life and alternative life separate then respect it. NEVER out their alternative life without their explicit permission. NEVER involve other members of their family without the explicit permission. NEVER involve family members under 18 - EVER.
HONESTY.
Honesty is a very important factor in a D/s relationship. They should be honest with you. You must always be honest with them. Ensure there is a mutual awareness of hard limits. Never lie about the risks of BDSM activity, and don't agree to commitments you cannot honour.
DON'T INJURE THEM.
There is a world of difference between inflicting pain and causing injury. Always be conscious of your sub's desires & limits and stay within those lines. If you inflict unintentional or unwanted pain on a sub; you are not a Domme. You're a bully.
DON'T BE THEIR EMOTIONAL CRUTCH.
While it is important to provide emotional support & aftercare; DON'T play the amateur psychiatrist. But do be prepared to advise them to seek professional help for any issues you are not qualified to deal with.
SEE THE EXPERIENCE THROUGH TO COMPLETION.
Every session should begin with what I like to call "pre-play care" - assessing your sub's needs, desires & limits, health, life and emotional issues and informing of any risks. Next is the actual BDSM play itself and finally is the after-care. After-care is not optional. You have a responsibility to ensure you give the care & support they need to come out of the play head space they went into during the physical session. This also includes physical care like attending to bruises, giving refreshment and even cuddles.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
If your own physical, mental and emotional health is not in a good place; then it risks showing itself in sessions. Take care of your own health and understand that you are human too. It is perfectly acceptable to take a break, recharge and bring yourself back to stability. NEVER play when you are angry or depressed.
Remember; a good Domme is an ethical one!
http://www.thecristaldomme.com/
