I'm done being a little bitch.

The week of self deprecating shit is almost over-the week where mother nature treats me not to blood, but to head aches every fucking day. I take painkiller but it doesn't work (Only during this week).

I woke up this morning and worked out like I try to every other day and have made plans this weekend so I'm feeling a lot happier.

That being said, I HOPE MY EARNINGS PICK THE FUCK BACK UP. Blargh. 4 days and the traffic is either sparse, rude beggars, or silent creepers. Hard to get them to convert or spend if they don't want to interact or aren't there to interact with.

Ruts happen though... just gotta find new promotion twitters (any recommended?), hope my reddit takes off and get my side hustles breathing.

My plan is to cam/sw for another 2-3 years and then go back to school. I have goals! But I only hope for stability to see them out.

Does anyone actually read this? o_o

Honestly... wtf do I do?

The traffic is getting to be shittier and cheaper. I am trying to push myself on reddit (receiving no karma). I push myself on twitter (maybe 2 retweets...) Sextpanther isn't making shit. Onlyfans has 3 fans, two of which are free...

My charisma roll when I was born must be below 10 because... I probably can't sell hay to a horse.

So what gives? I like video games... I like anime. People love my personality but when it comes down to needing money, they run away. They want want want attention and tits and ass but are they worth anything? Not to them. Beg beg beg... I can't keep going on like this.

No Hablas Anything

Why do guys... just keep going on and on in a language when I clearly do not understand what they are saying? If they turned on their volume, they would have my boring ass English.

Hell, maybe they have their volume on and hear it but don't care?
Maybe they assume that I know multiple languages? (When it says only English on my bio page).
Google translate is...alright. It doesn't understand sexual words much or slang so its funny when someone from Czech Republic wants me to take my goats out to play with them.

I come from America... the land that is an ignorant asshole about the benefits of being multilingual.
If you grow up bilingual or learn a 2nd language before the age of 12, your brain will literally grow "wiring"/synapses that will make learning other languages.
To expect high schoolers to learn a 2nd language in the midst of preparing for college, is dumb as hell and ineffective. Took 4 years myself and I could not hold a conversation in french to save my life today.

On a side note...
BLARGH, I have a nagging but weak headache. Like... it isn't debilitating in the least but it is an annoyance. At least this hot coffee taste amazing. Mmmm.

Owning A Massage Parlor

I love what I do. Most of the time. There was no pay in stripping, which is where I started. Lots more money to be had for a lot less work in this industry. Safer than escorting. The hardest part is the girls can be really petty. I get tired of it. I have so much going on, I just launched a webstore and opening a store on site. But these girls want to nitpick on the other girls so much I can't get anything done. I wish I could get drama free workers, who are sober, who are about their money but smart about it too.

Magical Pussy

Morning sex is fun and all but like... my pussy is so dry when I just wake up Even with spit, it ends up getting rubbed a bit... roughly.
It'll lubricate itself up during the act and feel amazing but that initial poke...oof.

I've even cut my pussy inside with my nail once. Ouch.

I've stretched a bit too fast and ah.

But it's all good. It'll just...recover.Gang bang, rough play, it don't matta'.

Our vaginas are made of the same skin that's inside a mouth so there's that...
SO when we're getting all wet between the legs and turned on, could you say our pussies are "salivating"? I think we should.

This was brought to you by a random thought from a random kinda girl.

Blargle Flargle

I've been so unproductive.
I got a damn Switch for Christmas and have been blowing so many hours on it but come on, Breath of the Wild is amazing.

Anyhoo, I want to doodle more but Zelda distacts me. I want to try to make some stickers or some fun shit to sell or send to fans or coat my ass with. Sticker panties are a thing of the future!! (I kid but there are "face masks" for butts.)

Glad I found this blog thing though since my attempted website was shut down for having links to my sexy sites. Damn cock blocks. XD Mind you, the site itself had no nudity. Just... links to nudity.

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK MY LINKS. There's all sorts of goodies for all sorts of people. ((Even coffee mugs for fellow models.))

Burn Out Part2

PLEASE do not take pity on me. I choose this job. I stand by it. I can travel whenever I want (assuming the money is available) and hang with friends whenever. I just try to discipline myself to work a minimum of 6 hours a day.
I use to work 5 and not care about a goal.
But having had lasik, healthcare insurance and other stuff pile up over the last year, I've had to set a goal and up my hours. o_o

I also just really needed to vent at the moment.

Burn Out...

I feel like I should almost stop camming. I dread logging on everyday, especially with the uncertainty of income. It can be an amazing day or a plane crash hellfire. It can even start out beautifully, get you happy and going and then... tank horribly because of a stupid, fucking football game killing the traffic instantly.

Makes it even harder as an ignorant American who wasn't raised to speak more than one language so that when all the Americans are watching their sports, I could continue with the Europeans and beyond.

Guys think camming is a cake walk. Easy. Yada yada but it isn't any different from a retail job at times.
You deal with rude ass customers (most of who don't actually want to buy anything but instead argue about getting a free product).
I don't get sick time, health insurance or retirement for camming unless I invest that kinda stuff myself.
Believe me, when it's good, it's good. I can take classes whenever without having to report to a hire up or change my hours with some other employee. Nope, I just log on whenever the hell I want.

But god damn... when it's a slow day. Dead... and there are only beggars demanding free shit, you lose self esteem. You lose self worth. I can't keep consistency like my beautiful, thicker haired, skinny, busty counterparts.
I'm the "girl next door" on a wall surrounded by angels. There's a reason I get maybe 6 people while another girl nearby me has 40 something men.

Sure my personality is nicer than a few of them... but then I'm friend zoned. I'm good to hang out with and chat. I get LOTS of guys who just want to chat... but NEVER spend, never go private. Maybe I'm out of my element. Maybe I should quit...

But I ain't done with figuring out what the fuck I want to do with my life so... I don't know... I just want to curl up in a dark corner and cry on slow nights. I have a goal but I can't even make it. Can't make it in 6 hours... can't make it in 7... not even 8. Sometimes I gotta just give up. Tonight is one of those nights. One more hour... and I'm finished.

Pet Peeves of Mine

On cams, guys can be god sent, gentlemen, dicks, or totally pathetic attempts at trolls.

Most guys I don't give a fuck about when they are dicks but oh my goodness, there are some pet peeves of mine.

1. "How fast can you squirt?" - I hate this question. By asking me this, you've lost any of the respect I could've had for you. You are telling me you are a cheap fuck who wants to get what he wants for as cheap as possible. Sorry dumbass, it doesn't work like that. Go private, tell me what you want, and let me work my magic on myself without pressure. You'll be surprised!

2. The Quiet Creepers - If you go into a model's room, say hello! It's okay if you're reading my bio page or just checking shit out, but don't be a completely silent creeper, stroking your dick. You don't get much attention from me and it's weird. Also, sometimes I may have a room of guys... yet no one is talking. It drives me up the wall when I greet each and every one, only to get NOTHING BACK. I don't have a co-worker I can lean over and talk to when it's quiet so please say something.

3. "I love you." - No you fucking don't. You don't love me, you don't know me. If that is how you greet a cam girl, please reevaluate what love really means to you.

4. "I just wanna chat." - This is another way of telling me you are cheap. Look, I know some people want companionship and attention but this ain't the place to do it if you don't plan on ever tipping. Imagine going into a mom and pop, local kinda shop thing. Imagine going in everyday to talk to the store clerk. Imagine doing that while NEVER buying anything from their shop. Don't you think they have the right to be annoyed? It's rude. Pay up at least a tip at a time or go join some rando forum on reddit.

TO BE CONTINUED....

I GIVE UP

On the pawliday day. DONE.
Can't even make my fucking, basic income. I offer SOOO much shit and even offer discounts to things, only to still have no one interested.

If I'm only worth what people would pay for me, guess I'm worth nothing.

Vote for me and get a treat

Hey everyone,

As you know I've won an award for "Best Arab Model" at the EroAwards and again thank all of you for your votes.

I'm now competing for Favorite Cam Girl at the AVN Awards and I want to ask all of you you to vote for yours truly just click on the link below and you'll be directed to the page and click on my pic and name, you'll be asked to create and account after which you can vote. If you send me the proof you've voted I'll have a surprise for you, just send me a message starting "I voted" with proof and you can expect a treat from me.

https://stars.avn.com/vote/10649/avn_awards/33

xoxo

Lili

2nd Annual Pawliday Drive!

Looooove animals and loooove getting the warm fuzzies? Help me make some animals in the Seattle Humane Seattle have an awesome start to 2020 with anything from my amazon wishlist that I had copied from their's.

https://tinyurl.com/SamHumaneSociety

The reason I do it this way is because anyone who donates is eligible to receive a Christmas card and be entered into a raffle to win a Samantha exclusive flesh light.

Please include address or email on the gift message so I know how to contact you!