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Where do I belong?
I love being able to come here and write to you.
I have difficulty finding contentment in my location. I always wonder if there is someplace else I may have fun. Where I am is it livable? Should I go someplace fun on a adventure... I know that I am in control of where I am, to the best of my ability.
I need to spend more time on me, just ensuring that I am everything that you want me to be. I know that if I am in the wrong place, I am not too motivated to do what is right. I do have a lot of energy on my hands and giving the wrong person my energy, is not the way to go.
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I've been a camgirl for over 6 months now. My initial draw was the need to be able to have a flexible schedule and the need to fulfill my insatiable libido!!!
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I have always wanted to help people feel confident in being themselves and when I started this journey I didn't know I could bring that philosophy into camming but now I know that it is the most important part to me.
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So a little stressed and overwhelmed. I hope some of you awesome experienced cam models can help! I started to Cam on flirt4free about 2 months ago. I have only cammed three times, two times by myself for two hours and one time with my boyfriend as a couple for three hours. I have a history of getting stuck in my head and focus on my insecurities so every time it comes time to push the start button I freeze and end up not caming. I have gotten great responses and the tips haven't been bad either. I honestly don't know why I block myself. I do have insecurities but have been able to get past that. It seems there's always 1200 hoops to jump through when I go to cam. I bought the lush lovense because the actual site said it was compatible with Flirt4Free, but it doesn't stay connected. I know they are soud activated as well, but I love having music on and not sure how to do that with music. I'm sure the majority of people would ask why don't you just go on without it? I honestly believe it will increase my tips and I'm not 100% exactly comfortable getting fully nude in privates just yet. So I originally bought that interactive toy so men and women can have a reason to tip me without needing to see me diddle myself lol. I am curious on other sites just want to pick the right one. If anyone has any advise I would greatly appreciate it!
If you're new to Financial Domination; you've probably been asking yourself this question. Maybe you've seen other findoms on social media posting details of the tributes they've received and you're wondering "why isn't it like that for me?"
Well it's simple. Findom isn't an exact science. Neither is it a get-rich-quick-scheme. Findom is very much a psychological fetish, which takes time and effort to learn and a lot longer to find those who have a genuine interest in exploring this fetish with you.
Let's cut through some of the myths surrounding this fetish and we start by you totally forgetting what you've seen on social media.
Financial Domination is NOT about sitting on twitter, calling subs piggies and demanding they pay you. If that is your approach to the fetish; then you're not going to last very long at all.
The tweets you see are not always genuine tributes - rather fees paid for a session, but masked as a tribute to look good.
Neither is it taking pictures of the intimate areas of your body and expecting subs to shower you with tributes. Why would they pay for something they've just seen for free? Treat them mean, keep them keen!
No, Financial Domination is much more complex than that but, if done correctly; can be both fun & rewarding.
The whole point of Financial Domination is about psychological control. If you are doing it right; you won't need to demand tributes. They will be given freely. Why? Because you have managed to have a sub become so captivated by you; they WANT to give simply to show their admiration. They are fueled by their desire to make you happy; and give without any form of encouragement.
So how do you get to this stage? Well, here's where the hard work starts.
RELAX - IT'S NOT A RACE!
Let's imagine you meet somebody on a night out. You think he's cute and he's giving you all the signals that he likes you. But when you start chatting, would you immediately expect him to move you into his apartment, marry you and have children with you? Of course not! You'd want to get to know him and have him get to know you; to find out if you are compatible.
You might go on a few dates to see where it leads. If it leads in a good direction; you'd start a relationship with them, still getting to know each other along the way - the good and the bad, before eventually, things get more serious and you start talking about moving in together and eventually marriage.
This doesn't happen overnight. A relationship takes a long time to build. It takes communication, trust, honesty and compromise.
The same can be said for Financial Domination.
It is completely unrealistic to expect a stranger you've never spoken to before, to part with his money because you say so. He wants to get to know you and see if the both of you click. You both need to establish a rapport and see if indeed, he is right for you! And yes; he needs to be able to trust you. There's a lot of scam artists out there and he may well have had his fingers burned. It's your job to prove you aren't going to do that to him.
That's not to say your attention should be free. There is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting payment for online chat, webcam sessions, phone chat sessions etc. But understand that these are fees - he's paying for a service. He's NOT sending tributes.
Remember; tributes are gifts given freely, without expecting anything in return.
Fees are payment for services.
But; if he's not even prepared to pay for a session with you, no matter what type it is; walk away - he's not entitled to any more of your time for free.
However; if you find yourself having regular sessions with him, and even chatting casually on social media outside of sessions, that's where the building blocks of the relationship are laid. You're finding yourself casually chatting on social media (non sexual, i.e not what you would discuss in session), he's retweeting your tweets without being asked to do so, and the relationship is flourishing. He's doing things to please you - like posting humiliating pictures of himself and tagging you in them. He's doing all these things for one reason and one reason only - for your approval.
Once that happens, and happens with regularity, the chances are you'll find the odd tribute heading your way - and you won't even need to ask him. He'll do it willingly and freely, simply because he wants to please you.
All you've done is communicate, tease him & created a professional relationship with him - by being yourself. And now, he's hooked.
So how long does it take to form this type of relationship with a potential financial sub? My answer to that is; how long is a piece of string? It could take weeks, months even years. But it WON'T happen straightaway. It will take as long as it takes and if you attempt to rush it, or demand tribute before you have gained your submissive's trust; you won't see them for dust. Remember what we said about a marriage proposal before the first date? Yup; it's gonna scare anybody off.
To give you an insight as to how long it can take; I was practising Financial Domination for over a year before I found My first financial sub. I've been in the scene for 10 years - and in that time I've had 4 genuine financial subs and a whole lot of potential timewasters. I say "potential" because when it comes to sessions; they get a big fat nothing until and unless they pay the fees up front. If they don't pay, I forget they exist and never engage with them again.
I'VE HAD SO MANY TIMEWASTERS CONTACT ME! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
And that leads Me on to My next point - how to avoid the timewasters and even more importantly; how to ensure you're not a target for timewasters!
Those who post regular "pay for My dinner," or "I need to pay my rent, pay me now!" scream desperate. And timewasters know this. They approach; promise to pay ridiculous amounts of money then vanish. They do this because they get off on the idea of you getting into a state because you've been promised cash they have no intention of sending. Indeed; timewasting has become a fetish in itself. I shall point out that a Domme who can't afford to pay for her own dinner or pay her own rent, is not in control of her life. This isn't attractive to a potential sub.
By all means; tweet a tribute link and invite subs to contribute. But don't demand it. You will come off as desperate and timewasters love this.
Another tactic is for them to send messages and tweets to multiple Dommes. Check their timeline - is it full of "hey miss, follow me"? If so; avoid. They're looking for free attention without the paperwork.
And of course there's the boys who want to pay via Paypal.
I cannot stress this enough. NEVER EVER EVER OFFER PAYPAL AS A PAYMENT METHOD - EVER!!! Be it for tributes or fees; it's simply not worth it.
Paypal clearly state in their terms and conditions that they do not allow transactions for adult-related services. Financial Domination is still sex work - therefore it is adult-related. If Paypal find out, and they will, they will close your account, take any money you have in your account and you can NEVER have an account with them again. There are plenty of adult-friendly means of receiving payments and tributes from subs - Paypal isn't one of them.
And of course; payments can be reversed on Paypal. Imagine the scenario - sub sends payment for a skype session - you do the session, then log in to your Paypal account to find he's clawed the money back. The upshot is, you've given him a free session. And THAT'S why the timewasters love Paypal.
This can and does also happen with Amazon Gift Certificates - so always redeem first. I shall point out that Amazon isn't always sex-worker friendly, so exercise caution when using them. While we are on the subject of Amazon and wishlists - NEVER accept a gift as payment for a session, particularly if from Amazon - gifts can be and are cancelled by timewasters.
Finally, on the subject of timewasters, trust your gut. Remember; if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. This means that if you get sub who claims he wants to give you £1000 or have you rinse his credit card; he's on the con. Genuine subs don't offer - they give. Timewasters dangle tributes like a carrot on a string. Don't bite - they're not going to part with that cash.
So; you've established a strong relationship with your sub and the tributes & gifts are coming in. Now is the time to show YOUR appreciation! ALWAYS thank them - yes, I know it goes against the grain, but they are human beings just like you. They've parted with their hard-earned cash. The least you can do is be grateful! Post a picture of their gift and thank them. Shoot a clip of you wearing any clothing gifts, and mention them - make it a FREE clip too! If it's a gift card - send a simple thank you note. BE NICE! If they know they've made you happy; they will tribute again. Treat them like dirt, and they won't - unless they like being treated like that of course - which they will be keen to tell you. A simple thank you message, tweet, or clip costs you nothing. But it will mean the world to them.
DON'T BE GREEDY.
Like you; a sub has financial responsibilities outside of the scene. He's NOT going to risk his home and go bankrupt, because you expect it. And if he's prepared to, then you shouldn't be prepared to allow that. Debt is not exciting and neither is being homeless.
Remember; you are a luxury in his life. He pays you after he's paid the bills he needs to pay - the essentials he cannot live without. Telling him not to pay his mortgage because he needs to pay you is not only irresponsible, it's also unrealistic. How's he going to keep paying you if he doesn't have an internet connection, mobile phone, debit card or even a home? Think about it - he can't give you anything if he has nothing.
While it is unreasonable to expect your sub to sacrifice his essentials; it is NOT unreasonable to expect him to sacrifice luxuries like a trip to the cinema, those new trainers he's had his eye on, or a night out with the lads. Wants and needs. He NEEDS to pay his bills, but he WANTS to pay you AND enjoy a night out. One of those wants has to go. If he's devoted enough; he'll sacrifice the night out. If he doesn't then don't worry. You're just not quite there in your relationship, yet.
Be responsible. If you get the slightest suspicion he's heading for financial disaster, that's when it stops being fun. And when the fun stops; STOP! He will have the greatest respect for you, if you refuse his tribute because you know he really cannot afford it. If it's a blip; he'll likely up his tribute when he can afford to. If it's more serious, he will still be loyal in other ways. Ex-financial subs can be of use in graphic design, promotion, clip editing....especially if you have a lot of mutual trust between you.
Remember; home-wrecking might be fun in a fantasy sense. But in reality; people in debt are at a greater risk of suicide - do you really want that on your conscience? YOU are responsible for your sub - 100%. If he's in "sub space" he may not be able to make a responsible decision about his desire to give, at the risk of his financial situation. That means the onus is on YOU to spot the signs.
ALTERNATIVES TO PAYPAL
As I've already mentioned; there are many ways to receive payments and tributes, without risking your Paypal account. Keep that account strictly for your vanilla life.
NiteFlirt is a good place to receive payments - yes, they take commission, but your money is safe and can be paid by bank transfer or cheque.
Delivery Code is a good one too. You can receive payment in the form of gift voucher. You then have the option of using it to purchase items from your wishlist, or having it converted to cash and paid into your bank. The added bonus of Delivery Code is that they do not allow cancellations - so no danger of gifts or vouchers being cancelled.
WebstreamUK is a very adult-friendly payment processor - you can receive payments in the form of donations, as well as offer phone chat, webcam session, clips and pictures, AND get paid by bank transfer. There are no fees to set up. All you need is a good established website.
https://iwantclips.com/ is another adult-friendly site, where you can sell clips, pictures and receive tributes. Payment is monthly or bi-monthly (depending up on amount earned) by ECheck or Wire transfer.
So in conclusion; if you're smart, patient and prepared to put a lot of time in researching Financial Domination AND the BDSM scene, you'll do well. If you're expecting to be inundated with tributes from day one; My advice is to get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth. I've seen one girl give up her vanilla job the moment she became a Findom - and then wondered why her bank account was in the red. Don't expect this fetish to be your sole source of income - unless you've got it down to fine art, after many years of experience. Good things come to those who wait!
Imagine if Mistress could physically tease you without being anywhere near you.
We can make it happen, boys!
If you have any of the Lovense toys, then the sky's the limit when it comes to driving you absolutely wild with vibration. Pop in the toy, log on to the app and Mistress will have Her fun.
I can tease you any time, any place, any way. Perhaps I'll give you a few short bursts to remind you of who is control of your pleasure. Maybe I'll give you extremely intense vibration while you try to stop those tell-tale facial expressions. I can even tease you during a webcam session, bring you close to the edge of explosion and watch you beg and plead for Me to finish you off.
Oh what fun it will be! Just think; you could be at work, minding your own business when suddenly, the Lovense starts to vibrate - and you'll have no control over how intense and for how long it will vibrate for. At the same time; if I think you're enjoying yourself too much, I can stop the vibration and make you go without.
It doesn't matter where you are. You might be walking around the grocery store and I'll suddenly have the desire to mess with you. The fact that you'll have to keep the moans to a minimum is an added bonus. Sure, you could pass it off as your phone vibrating, but how on earth will you explain the strange way in which you are walking?
The only time Mistress will not play with your pleasure is when you're driving or you're in a situation which may endanger your life or affect your relationship with your significant other.
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Whether you're an Online Domme or offer real-time sessions; there is something ALL Dommes have in common - Kink & BDSM Ethics.
As I have repeatedly said before; when you are taking control of a submissive; you are personally responsible for their safety and well-being. You are also completely accountable when things go wrong, especially if it is as a result of your own ignorance or lack of moral integrity.
The most important part of being a Domme is understanding that in BDSM, there absolutely MUST be mutual consent. When engaging in power exchange activities, the line between abuse and play is a very fine one, and it is YOUR job to ensure you stay on the right side of it. For those who are new into the scene, you may find your judgement clouded on this subject, which is why it is important to ensure you have received expressed consent rather than implied consent - and that you abide by it in all BDSM situations
While the use of safe-words is indeed a good idea; it is not enough to use the word "no", as a safe-word. A good safe-word is one which both parties feel comfortable in using, but is not related to a play session. For example; "whip" is not a good example of a safe-word. "Giraffe" is better.
I personally use the traffic light system. Green for yes, keep going, Amber for go gently and slowly and red for stop! And once red comes up - the play stops - instantly. And in the case where the play stops; aftercare and other support is delivered for the well-being of the sub.
But what other things should a Domme ensure She employs in BDSM play?
It is vitally important that you are aware of the risks of any BDSM activity. For example; ensuring that electrics do not go anywhere near the heart, the correct place to use the cane - get it wrong and cane across the back and you risk ruptured kidneys.
You should also understand that some activities have more risks that others. Use of poppers on somebody with heart, lung or circulatory problems can cause a serious risk to their health or even death. Sounding, if not done correctly, can risk a torn urethra and I don't think I need to spell out the dangers of incorrect use of breathe play.
It is always a good idea to try out kinks on yourself before applying them to a sub - so both you and he know what to expect.
ENSURE A SAFE PLAY ENVIRONMENT.
Your play space should be free of any hazards such as open flames, fumes or insecure equipment. It is also essential that you are aware of your sub's physical and emotional limitations - don't engage in play which is likely to trigger a severely negative emotional response. You're not just responsible for their physical well-being. You're also responsible for their mental well-being. Take care of the latter, especially in your after-care and throughout their servitude.
RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY.
Rule number one in being a successful Domme. If they want to keep their vanilla life and alternative life separate then respect it. NEVER out their alternative life without their explicit permission. NEVER involve other members of their family without the explicit permission. NEVER involve family members under 18 - EVER.
Honesty is a very important factor in a D/s relationship. They should be honest with you. You must always be honest with them. Ensure there is a mutual awareness of hard limits. Never lie about the risks of BDSM activity, and don't agree to commitments you cannot honour.
DON'T INJURE THEM.
There is a world of difference between inflicting pain and causing injury. Always be conscious of your sub's desires & limits and stay within those lines. If you inflict unintentional or unwanted pain on a sub; you are not a Domme. You're a bully.
DON'T BE THEIR EMOTIONAL CRUTCH.
While it is important to provide emotional support & aftercare; DON'T play the amateur psychiatrist. But do be prepared to advise them to seek professional help for any issues you are not qualified to deal with.
SEE THE EXPERIENCE THROUGH TO COMPLETION.
Every session should begin with what I like to call "pre-play care" - assessing your sub's needs, desires & limits, health, life and emotional issues and informing of any risks. Next is the actual BDSM play itself and finally is the after-care. After-care is not optional. You have a responsibility to ensure you give the care & support they need to come out of the play head space they went into during the physical session. This also includes physical care like attending to bruises, giving refreshment and even cuddles.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.
If your own physical, mental and emotional health is not in a good place; then it risks showing itself in sessions. Take care of your own health and understand that you are human too. It is perfectly acceptable to take a break, recharge and bring yourself back to stability. NEVER play when you are angry or depressed.
Remember; a good Domme is an ethical one!
CUCKOLDING - SEPARATING FACTS FROM FICTION.
12/22/2018 0 Comments
"Mistress, I'd like to explore cuckolding fetish with you, where I watch my wife with another man..."
I can't tell you how many times a wannabe cuckold has said this to Me and each and every time, they get the same response:
"That's not cuckolding. That's you being a voyeur."
Sadly; there are many myths surrounding cuckolding, mostly created by those who don't have a clear understanding of the fetish. I'm about to clear up those myths, so you can gain a better understanding of what it is exactly, and what it means to you. You WILL be surprised.
First and most importantly; cuckoldry is NOT about your physical sexual pleasure. It is a psychological fetish, which involves arousal from the mental anguish of your partner cheating on you with somebody better - and you consenting to her cheating and even complying with it. It's not swinging and it's not having a threesome.
CUCKOLDRY IS A FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIP.
Apart from the pre-agreed parameters & considerations, cuckolds don't get a say when it comes sexual play. She will likely choose an Alpha who is more dominant or better endowed, to ensure your full humiliation and psychological torture. YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE if she doesn't want you to.
That's not to say you won't be involved to some degree, but certainly not in a sexual sense.
She may, if she feels you deserve it, permit you to help her dress for a date with her Alpha, or even do things like paint her toenails, run her a bath, pay for a make over, new clothes, a trip to the hair dressers etc. But in terms of your involvement in the date itself, that's where it ends. You have no place on the date itself unless she wants you to.
YOU DON'T GET TO WATCH.
Cuckolds will almost never get to watch during play. If she does want you to watch; it will be on her terms, i.e. with you in chastity and tied to a chair in the corner of the room or via live video stream. If she doesn't want you to watch, but still wants to humiliate you, she may lock you into chastity and allow you to HEAR what they're getting up to - be it via a phone call, or even playing in the next room. But you will never, ever get to see what is happening unless she agrees. It could also be the case where you have both decided that you are not to watch, in case jealousy kicks in. Cuckoldry is NOT about your physical pleasure, remember. It's about hers. So while she's having the time of her life; you're aroused but staying frustrated.
YOU DON'T GET TO JOIN IN WITH HER.
The whole point of cuckoldry is that you are complicit in your partner's infidelity. You enjoy the fact that she's enjoying herself with an Alpha male and you get off on how it makes you feel to know she's enjoying herself with somebody better than you. But you don't get to enjoy her. If you join in, you're not engaging in cuckoldry - you're simply having a threesome. You're completely left out of the equation, because you love the fact that your partner climaxes with a man who is your Superior. IF there is a bi-sexual element to play; you MAY be permitted to pleasure him before and after. But never her.
YOU ARE NOT BEING REPLACED.
Cuckoldry requires trust, communication, honesty and consent. Both parties set out boundaries away from the actual play scene - rather like one would set the scene before any BDSM play. At the end of play, you go back to being a loving couple until the next time she decides she wants to play.
As a cuckold; you enjoy the fact that your partner is satisfying her sexual urges by having sex with another man. But that doesn't mean you stop being her partner. A relationship cannot ever be replaced by cuckolding. Why? Because without a relationship, there is no cuckolding.
YOU ARE THERE FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT.
In a cuckold relationship; your arousal is further heightened when your partner TELLS YOU how much she enjoyed herself with her Alpha. She might talk about how many times he made her climax, why he was so much better, whether or not he was well endowed and particularly if he was bigger than you. She may even encourage her Alpha to take part in this part of the fetish, by having him tell you how much he loves sleeping with your partner. They will taunt you and tease you about what they physically gain out of the arrangement, and what you don't gain. THAT is where the psychological arousal comes it - masturbation for the brain!
BUT I GET TO "CLEAN UP" RIGHT?
Nope! Another common misconception of cuckoldry! You DON'T get to clean up where an Alpha has been - because that's you again, taking care of your own pleasure. It's about hers and her Alpha's. Having you "clean" her afterwards means you're just going down on her - satisfying a need for your own physical pleasure. Don't forget the golden rule - it's NOT about your body's physical needs.
BUT JERKING OFF...WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN?
Many think they will get to jerk off while their partner is enjoying themselves; which again completely distorts what cuckolding really is. In reality; you will only get to jerk off when and if she wants you to. But don't assume that you'll be able to have that release you crave.
She may decide to put you in chastity on the evening of her "date", so you can be kept aroused and frustrated throughout. She may even keep you frustrated while she tells you all about the experience; how it felt, what happened, how big he was, how long it lasted. Or, she may allow you to jerk off during all of this, by denying you your climax. She may even choose to ruin your orgasm. But whatever she chooses, you won't cum unless and until she wants you to. You won't receive any physical pleasure unless and until she wants you to. She is in control of her own pleasure and yours!
These are just the general rules, as you both need to communicate with what works for you., but for those who wish to engage in a cuckold fetish session with Me; ensure you have read ALL of this. If I think you're talking about it from a selfish, narcissistic point of view of "I want to see my girlfriend with another man", I guarantee I'll lose interest in you.
However, if you can demonstrate that you know what the fetish involves, then yes, we can explore this. But remember - I'm the one in control throughout - and you'll receive your physical pleasure when and if I want you to....
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